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RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE

Nancy's Notes πŸ–ŠοΈβ™¬

β€œSay the name of the party you are trying to reach. If you know your party’s extension you may dial it directly. Press the pound sign at any time to hear a listing of the company directory” the robotic voice of the automated answering system at Titan Industries politely instructed me. 

β€œNeville Carter” I replied. For some reason I always felt silly talking to robo machines. 

β€œDevil Carter. One moment please.” 

Before I could repeat the correct name, I heard a click and the on-hold background music started – a dramatic instrumental arrangement of Climb Every Mountain. About two minutes later the music stopped. 

Click.

β€œI’m sorry. There is no listing for a Devil Carter. Say the name of the party you are trying to reach. If you know your party’s extension you may dial it directly. Press the pound sign at any time to hear a listing of the company directory.” 

I cleared my throat. 

β€œI’m sorry. I didn’t quite get that. Say the same of the party you are trying to reach. If you know your party’s extension you may dial it directly. Press the pound sign at any time to hear a listing of the company directory.” 

β€œNEVILLE CARTER” I annunciated as clearly as possible.

β€œOne moment while I try that party.” 

Click. Classical music.

β€œOk” I said to myself. β€œHopefully we’ll get it right this time.” 

β€œI’m sorry. There is no listing for a Neville Carver. Say the name of the party you are trying to reach. If you know your party’s extension you may dial it directly. Press the pound sign at any time to hear a listing of the company directory.” 

β€œCARTER. NOT CARVER” I said slowly and loudly. I was getting impatient. 

β€œOne moment please. 

Click. Jazz music. 

β€œI’m sorry. There is no listing for a Carter Not Carver. Say the name of the party you are trying to reach. If you know your party’s extension you may dial it directly. Press the pound sign at any time to hear a listing of the company directory.” 

β€œWhat the freaking hell! This is ridiculous!” I bellowed into the phone, all the while hearing the same monotonous speech in the background. In complete exasperation I hung up. Then I had an idea: if I call back and press β€œO” for operator I might actually get a real live person. 

β€œHere goes nothing” I thought as I dialed the number. One ring, two rings. 

Upon connecting I immediately pushed β€œO” while gleefully shouting β€œTake that, you robotic bitch!” 

Then I heard the most beautiful words ever – β€œTitan Industries. How may I help you?”  

β€œNeville Carter, please” I requested. 

β€œRight away, sir.” 

One ring. Two. Three. I started feeling nervous. Finally my call was answered: β€œYou have reached the office of Neville Carter. Your call is very important to us. We are experiencing extremely high caller volume. You are currently caller number 17. Your wait time is approximately 90 minutes. You may continue to wait or call back at a more convenient time.” 

Click. Country music. 

Damn insufferable machines! I decided to go to Titan Industries in person. I stowed my dog eared copy of How To Make Friends and Influence People into my backpack and headed for the train. 

Finding a seat, I took out my beloved book. The train started then stopped. The lights went out and a recorded message crackled through the speakers: 

β€œAttention passengers. Due to mechanical difficulties all service is indefinitely delayed. We apologize for this inconvenience. Thank you for your patience.” 

β€œWONDERFUL!! JUST FUCKING BLOODY WONDERFUL!!” I screamed into the darkness. 

NAR Β© 2023

35 thoughts on “RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE”

  3. Oh my, I relate to that blood pressure rise and frustration! Nancy, your storytelling has us all feeling it.

    I push “0” immediately to see if I can get a live, breathing, talking human. A while back, someone on the inside gave me a tip that has often been successful even at other agencies: that’s asking for a “Representative”.

    As a last resort, I’ll add Dorothy’s intentional mumble to my arsenal.

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  5. Sadly, we’ve all been there. This is what I do now and it often works. After one try, and that’s all I will allow the robot, I call back again and when it is my assigned time to speak I just mumble. Often, the robot will say something like, Please hold for an operator, and magically one often does appear. It’s always worth a try.

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  6. You know when it is a good time to read this story of yours? Right before giving a beating to some t-bone steaksπŸ˜†
    If anyone reads this and doesn’t have the urge to break something, is either too young or too old…the rest are: let me break this 🀬 in pieces!

    Thank you Nancy, for the high blood pressure🀣

    And here is what your story brought to mind ( for no obvious reason):
    The scenes of Metropolis from Radio Ga-ga

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    1. Haha!! Nick, that was hysterical about the t-bone steaks but I get it. I’ve been there many times so today I tried Dorothy’s trick which was to mumble incoherently when the machine asked a questions. It didn’t know how to respond and I was talking to a live person very quickly!
      Great video selection!

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  10. πŸ˜‚ And that’s why I always write people. Put it in writing was the first lesson I learned, well it is if you don’t count β€œDon’t put your lips on a drinking fountain”.

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