Continuing Series, Longer Stories, Original Series, Theme Prompt

What My Grandfather Carried: Domenic DiStefano and the General Slocum

Nancy's Notes 🖊️♬

Inspired by Max’s blog, ‘Old Steam Ships’:
“PS General Slocum – New York’s Forgotten
Tragedy”. This story is very personal and was
difficult for me to write. It’s my grandfather’s
story of what would be the worst loss of life
from a single disaster in the history of New
York until 9/11. Thank you for reading.

© New York Historical Society

My mother cried every time my grandfather told this story. Not softly. Not the polite kind of crying people do when they want you to know they’re moved. She wept the way you weep when something has been sitting inside you your whole life and finally gets loose. I was young. I didn’t understand it then. I understand it now.

My Mother, Concetta, 1920
My Photo

My grandfather, Domenic DiStefano, wasn’t a man who talked about himself. He spoke plainly, in short sentences, the way men of his generation did when the truth was heavy enough without decoration. In 1900, he came to New York alone, a young teenager from Sicily, returning a few years later to join the Italian army. He married in Sicily and started a family. When he returned to New York for the second and final time, my grandmother and their 2-year-old daughter, Concetta …. my mother …. was with them. And he worked. He worked on the buildings that would come to define the Manhattan skyline, hauling stone and steel up scaffolding on jobs he was proud of for the rest of his life. And because that work didn’t always cover the rent or pay my ailing grandmother’s medical bills, he took what other work he could find. Some weeks that meant sanitation …. hauling ash, hauling refuse, hauling whatever the city needed hauled.

© New York Historical Society

The Morning the River Burned

He wasn’t there on June 15, 1904, when the General Slocum caught fire. Almost no laboring man like him would have been …. that was a workday morning, and the eleven hundred people aboard the steamship were mothers, children, and Sunday school teachers from St. Mark’s Evangelical Lutheran Church, off on their annual picnic. By the time word reached the docks and work yards down toward the East River, the ship had already burned to the waterline against the rocks of North Brother Island. The men who might have saved anyone had already done what they could, in minutes, with their bare hands, and it wasn’t enough. Fire hoses that turned to powder. Life preservers that dragged children under instead of holding them up. Lifeboats wired to the deck so tightly they couldn’t be launched.

© New York Public Library

By the time Domenic and men like him were called in, the search for the living was already over. What was left was the other work.

I don’t know exactly which agency reached him …. whether it came through the sanitation department, through a foreman who knew he could be trusted, or through the simple fact that the city was calling up every able body it could find and asking questions later. What I do know, because it’s what he told my mother and what she told me through her tears, is that he spent days on the water and at the piers doing work that never once appeared in any newspaper with his name on it.

© New York Historical Society

The Work

He talked about the ice most of all. Wagon after wagon of it, rolling down to the temporary morgues at the 26th Street pier, hauled off ships and hauled by hand, packed around bodies that had to last until someone came to claim them. He said his hands went numb from it in June, in the middle of summer, and that the numbness was almost a mercy, because it kept him from feeling anything else.

He talked about the rowboats going out past North Brother Island for days after, dragging the river bottom, and about the eerie quiet of men doing that kind of work …. no one joking, no one complaining about the heat, just the sound of oars and, every so often, a voice calling out low to the other boats when something was found.

© NY Daily News

He talked about carrying. Coffins, mostly …. pine boxes requisitioned from every furniture shop and undertaker in the city because there weren’t enough to go around, and rough wooden litters when there weren’t even enough of those. He said a man’s body was a weight he knew from his work in construction. He said a child’s body was not a weight he knew at all, and that no man should have to learn it.

And he talked about the rows. At the pier, the dead were laid out in long lines with space enough between them for the living to walk through, searching for a face, a piece of clothing, a ring, anything. He said he watched fathers walk those rows for hours. He said some of them walked them more than once, as if a second pass might change what they found. He said the worst sound he ever heard in his life wasn’t the fire or the water …. it was that awful quiet, thick with families searching, broken every so often by one voice recognizing one child.

He never told my mother about any one body in particular. If there was a single image he carried …. a small shoe, a mother and child found still bound together by a strip of cloth, tied that way on purpose in the last minutes so they wouldn’t be separated in the water …. he kept the specifics for himself. What he passed down instead was the shape of the grief, not its every edge. That was his mercy to her, and I think, in its way, it was his mercy to himself too.

© New York Public Library

Why He Told It At All

He wasn’t a man who dwelled. He built things for a living …. buildings that are still standing over that same city today …. and he wasn’t given to looking backward. But every so often, my mother said, something would loosen it in him. A hot day in June, maybe. A newspaper headline about some other disaster somewhere else in the world. And he would tell it again, always in the same plain words, never dressed up, never softened for effect, because that wasn’t how he spoke about anything.

My mother cried because she loved him, and because she could hear, underneath the plain words, how much it had cost him to be a young man alone in a new country, doing work no one thanks you for, carrying children he would never know the names of. I think she also cried because he never once complained about it …. not about the ice in his hands, not about what he saw, not about being called up to do something the city needed and then sent quietly back to his regular work when it was over, as if it had never happened.

Burial Procession
© General Slocum Archives

It did happen. He was there. Sixty-one of the dead from that day were never identified and were buried together, because there was no one left standing who could put a name to them. I like to think that somewhere in that terrible week, it was my grandfather’s hands, worn from stonework and sanitation both, that helped carry at least one of them to a place of rest.

He came to this country with nothing but his labor to offer it. In June of 1904, before he had a wife or a daughter or a home of his own here, that was exactly what New York needed from him …. not his name, not his story, just his hands. And he gave them.

Dominic DiStefano,
My Grandfather, 1910
My Photo

NAR©2026

This is “General Slocum: Elegy” by John Allen

PS General Slocum: New York’s Forgotten Tragedy

Everything on The Elephant’s Trunk was created by me, unless otherwise indicated, and may not be used without permission. Thanks for your consideration. NAR©2017-present.

37 thoughts on “What My Grandfather Carried: Domenic DiStefano and the General Slocum”

  1. This is so interesting that you are connected to this story through your grandfather, Nancy. In a surge of construction from 1908 to 1913, a handful of towers competed for the title of the world’s tallest building. The downtown skyline crested with the Singer Building in 1908, which reached 612 feet. On Madison Square in 1909, the Metropolitan Life Insurance Tower stretched to 701 feet. In 1913, the title returned to lower Manhattan with Woolworth Building, whose spire soared to 792 feet. I wonder if your grandfather worked on any of those buildings.

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    1. Thanks very much, Jim. My grandfather worked on the renovation of the Singer Building which I believe was around 1906. He returned to Sicily in 1910, was in the Italian army for 2 years, married and started a family before returning to NY in 1919. I know he worked on Riverside Church and the Chrysler and Empire State buildings. Fortunately, he was a foundation man and didn’t have to work high up.

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    1. It wasn’t easy but I knew about Max’s post for a while now and I had time to prepare and phrase everything in an honest and unoffensive way. This could easily have become a shock piece and I didn’t want that at all. It was a great privilege for me to honor my grandfather this way; he was a wonderful man and I’m so thankful for the years he lived with us in our home. He shared so much and taught me about my heritage, something which made him very proud. I’m only sorry he had to endure so much. Thanks for your lovely comments, sis; I appreciate you. 🥰

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  4. I can’t imagine how hard this was to write. I know the Andrea Doria had a personal connection but this goes past that. He had the grimmest job there and….not that anyone was looking for it but no one was thanking him like a rescue person got. This was the loneliest job in the world and then he had to deal with a lifetime of memories of it to boot. In a sense he was also a victim of this…something he had to carry the rest of his life. He could not unsee or un-feel what he had to go through.

    Thank you for writing his story so someone else knows now. I can’t imagine how he felt at the time and afterwards. Thank you, Nancy, this was exceptionally moving.

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    1. Max, you made an excellent point, something I didn’t even think of: my grandfather was another victim of this horror. Everyone was. The entire city of New York grieved; people in Germany who lost loved ones from St. Mark’s grieved. It was a nightmare compounded by the fact that it was caused by negligence (or, God help us, intent) and was in no way accidental. Life is hard and back then, it was even harder. My grandfather endured a lot and I saw his tough shell crack a few times; he had nightmares and he cried over these tragic events. But he was a warm, loving man and I’m grateful for having had the opportunity of living with him and sharing these memories.

      Thankfully, I can’t think of any other ship disasters connected to my family! I need to put these personal stories to rest for a while. Thanks for your wonderful comments, Max; I greatly appreciate them.

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      1. Yes he was, thankfully he didn’t lose anyone but he did lose a part of himself, and I don’t think that is being over dramatic. What hit me most is… most shipwrecks involve a lot of different people from different places. This one concentrated on one community…there were more but the bulk of the people were suddenly gone from one community. That is no disrespect for any others lost.

        Well good…I’m glad there are not any more connected to you! Thank you for the support but mostly for sharing your family’s story. I know that wasn’t easy.

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        1. Yes, a whole community wiped out. Makes you wonder if there was some sort of vendetta. It sounds far-fetched but what kind of beast puts weights inside life jackets?

          I’m really glad I had extra time to write this one; I needed it! Looking forward to next week. Thanks, Max.

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          1. I agree it is odd…and I found some more information… the ship was insured for 70,000 (a different source says 79,000) and in a newspaper at that time…it said that the money “would” go straight to the “mayors relief fund” …. never did I find any mention of that money actually going to the fund after that. Something did seem really off.
            How did the inspectors not see this? But anyway…thank you again Nancy.

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            1. I also read that the General Slocum’s remaining hulk was raised and sold for a mere $1,800. As a result, the operators escaped major financial payouts to the victims’ families, regardless of their insurance policies. Something stinks and we’ll never know the whole story.

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    1. Thank you for your, my dear friend. Out of respect for my grandfather and my readers, I chose my words and images carefully; my objective was to express the horrors of this tragedy without being offensive or prurient. I’m so appreciative and relieved to know my story came across as I intended. 🥰 Unfortunately, your video didn’t come through. What was it?

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    1. We shared our home with my grandparents so I heard these stories frequently, the happy ones and the tragic. I saw my grandfather cry many times over this or a fatal accident at a construction site or a child killed by a run-away sanitation horse and wagon. His life was not easy and I’m proud to have been a part of it. Thank you, Clive.

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    1. Stoic …. yes, that’s the way it was done. But, as I got older and I heard this story myself, I saw the tears in my grandfather’s eyes. He was a sweet man who wore the mask of stoicism quite well; it was that or completely lose oneself in the abyss. But he had nightmares. Thank you, Brian.

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