“Remove everything from the waist up and put on a robe, opening in the front. Place your belongings in a locker and make sure to take the key with you.”
Securing my faded grey robe, I walked out into the pleasantly decorated waiting room. There were comfortable chairs, tables with magazines, and a coffee maker with a variety of coffee, tea and a tin of cookies. Four other women were waiting their turn, flipping through magazines or simply resting, arms folded protectively across their breasts. One woman wore a distraught look, hear eyes terrified and pleading “Please, not again!”
I made myself a cup of decaf, choosing a delicate butter cookie as well. I sat and reflected on the number of times I’ve waited in this room. Once a year for the past 17 years I’ve made this dreaded trek, making outlandish promises and bargains with God which always proved to be superfluous … so far.
After about ten minutes, a perky brunette in carnation pink scrubs and matching Crocs came in the room and called out “Mrs. Thompson?” I rose from my seat and the brunette continued, “Hi. I’m Kelly, your radiology technician. I’ll be doing your mammogram today. Just follow me and we’ll be done in no time.”
We entered the brightly-lit exam room, coming face to face with Darth Vader … my nickname for the massive mammogram machine … a sleek black, chrome and glass monolith standing like a sentinel in the middle of the room. Now here’s where two women who are complete strangers instantly become bosom buddies, so to speak.
Kelly instructs me to slip my right arm out of my robe and reach up to grab the handle on Darth Vader’s side. “Now step in as close as you can,” Kelly says while lifting my right boob onto the flat glass plate emerging from Darth’s chest. Pulling and kneading my breast into the perfect position, she then pushes a button which slowly lowers another flat glass plate on top of my breast. I watch in morbid fascination as my once round and ample breast slowly flattens, spreading out and taking on the appearance of a water balloon about to burst. Satisfied with the positioning, Kelly ducks into a tiny protective glass booth on the other side of the room.
“Take a deep breath and don’t move, Mrs. Thompson. Hold it, hold it, keep holding … now breath.” Kelly emerges from her protective booth and we repeat the process on the left side.
“Ok, we’re all done. Just have a seat while the doctor looks over your images. Hopefully the wait won’t be too long.”
Finally Kelly returns and says the doctor will see me now. More girl-on-girl time as the doctor manually examines my breasts with impossibly cold hands.
“Everything looks perfect, Mrs. Thompson. Keep doing your self-exams.” I thank her, refraining from saying my husband enjoys examining me regularly.
Dressing, I frown at the red bruises on my chest, then quickly smile and say a little prayer of thanks knowing the “girls” are ok.
I pass the front desk with a cheerful “Ta-ta, ladies. See you next year!”
NAR © 2023
The Elephant's Trunk 
Actually, the image you have above is of a thermogram. Thermography is an alternative to mammography. I have chosen thermography rather than mammography. There is no radiation involved and the technician works with doctors who understand what the images are showing. They can track any changes from year to year. I personally believe it is worth looking into.
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Excellent information and advice. Obviously standard mammograms do not look like this; I chose this graphic because it gets the message across loud and clear and was the best one for the story.
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oh i had my boobs squished and breath held yesterday but she was so good. lol..😂 done for the year. nicely done Nancy!💗
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Keep up with those exams, Cindy G! Very important!
The techs where I go know it’s no picnic for anyone and they’re as gentle as possible. There’s always some discomfort but it’s something we have to do.
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I know.. she made it easy.. now the damn colonoscopy.. hate those..
she does 20 a day at old hospital 40.. oh the tales they could tell! 💗
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Great tale, never been for one, but it sounds just like my mum describes it
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Hopefully when it’s your turn you’ll have a gentle technician who tries to make you as comfortable as possible.
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Talking about such a difficult issue with so much ease is your forte, Nancy! Much appreciated!
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Ah, talking about it and doing it are two different things! Thank you, KK. I appreciate your comments.
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Not what I expected but an interesting read; save the subject, humorous. You do turn words well.
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I write for me; what readers take away from it is up to them. Thanks for the comment.
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Been there and done that three times now. Not a very pleasant experience but essential
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You’re so right about that, Sadje. However now there’s 3D mammography available as well as ultrasounds which help eliminate the need for the patient to undergo more pressure and discomfort than necessary. These tests help save lives.
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Indeed they do and what’s a little discomfort when it can save lives.
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Not something I’ll ever experience, for obvious reasons, but we men can suffer some pretty intrusive checkups too – so I’m told!
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Indeed you can! I’ve witnessed a few when Bill was diagnosed with bladder cancer. Terribly painful, as you can imagine. In August it will be 5 years he is cancer free! 🙏🏼
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Seems there would be a better procedure but the good part is that you are okay!💖
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Agreed! I can laugh because I AM well. Many are not so lucky. This is a sensitive topic for women (and men!) who are not well. To them I offer prayers, encourage and serenity. 🌹
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You’d think in this day an age it could be a little less gruesome. If men had to go through this every year…
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Right?! Don’t even go there about men! And they call us “the fairer sex”! Pfft!
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🤣 🤣 thoroughly enjoyed this one. thanks for some good laugh in the morning. have a great day
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I can laugh at some of it because I’m physically ok. For other women this is not a funny subject at all. Thanks for commenting, Sanjeet.
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Yes I understand. Its the way you wrote that made me laugh. Most welcome 😊
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One of the perks of being a storyteller! 😁
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can’t be much fun.
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It isn’t! If I told you what I compare it to when talking to Bill, most of the men here would either squirm in their chairs or faint 🤣
But the bottom line is these procedures help save lives.
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Great tale, never been for one, but it sounds just like my mum describes it
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Wait! You have no idea what you’re missing! 😂
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🤣 Nancy 🤣 ~ I feel kinda guilty about laughing about this!
~David
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Oh, David! You wouldn’t be laughing if you knew what I was thinking about you. And I don’t feel the least bit guilty! 🤣
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😜
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The bottom line is if this uncomfortable procedure can help save someone’s life, it’s definitely worth it.
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Of course!
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