Written for The Unicorn Challenge where we are encouraged to write creatively in 250 words or less using the photo below as inspiration. Here’s my story.
âNo! Didn’t do it!â wailed Robbie, the dishwasher at Michaelâs.
The waitstaff ran into the kitchen when they heard the crash. Shattered crystal covered the kitchen floor …. the new glasses for the loungeâs grand opening.
Robbie huddled in the corner like a little boy, wiping his runny nose on his sleeve. He was a 32 year old man with the mind of an eight year old, courtesy of that one decisive extra chromosome âŠ. a little thing called Down Syndrome. Robbieâs brother Gary, the maĂźtre dâ, crouched next to him while everyone stood in awkward silence.
âRobbie, accidents happenâ Gary said calmly. âCâmon now. Everyone will pitch in.â
The crew began sweeping up …. everyone except Vic, the bartender.
âNot me. I ainât helpin’!â snarled Vic. âIt was that moronâs fault. He shouldnât be around normal people!â
Michael Banks, the lounge owner, stormed into the kitchen. âWhat the hellâs going on?!â Slowly he looked around, taking in the whole scene, then asked everyone to leave except Robbie, Gary and Vic.
âRobbie, itâs okâ Michael said. “Talk to me. Tell me what happened.â
Robbie sniffled. âI saw the boxes but I didnât touch them, cross my heart and hope to die. Vic rushed in the back door and pushed me into the boxes.â
âYou lyin’ freak!â sneered Vic. âLook, Mr. B. Iâm tellin’ ya I didnât do nothing.Who ya gonna believe â that retard or me?âÂ
âThatâs enough! Itâs over!â Michael barked. âGrab a broom. Weâre opening tonight on schedule.â
After receiving the diagnosis “ULCER”, Brian’s wife Ali had been lovingly, carefully packing his lunches. He checked the contents of his bento box: plain broiled cod, boiled cauliflower and coconut milk. âThis must be her White Periodâ, he thought, wistfully.Â
Sensitiveand embarrassed coworkers averted their eyes as they passed Brianâs cubicle on their way to lunch. Gone were the cheerful calls âCâmon, Brian! Weâre going to Smokinâ Joeâs Hot Wings for lunch!â or âSalsa and nachos in the hospitality room, guys!â Oh, the humanity!
Brianâs computer pinged. It was an email from Ali: âHi, hon. Hope youâre having a great day. Did you find the Maalox I put in your backpack? Weâre having something special for dinner tonight …. poached chicken, brown rice and garbanzo beans …. hope youâre hungry! Love ya, babe! xoâ
âAh, Aliâs Beige Period.â Brian stared blankly at the computer screen. âI wonder how many beige foods there are …. oatmeal, boiled potatoes, matzoh….â
Depressed, fatigued and hungry, Brian put his head in his hands; a solitary tear fell through his fingers onto his khakis. Slowly the wet spot morphed into the shape of a slice of pizza. âWhat the …. ?!â Incredulous, Brian blinked and wiped his eyes. âWhatâs happening to me?!â Images of devilish, cramp-inducing, bowel-seizing delicacies danced âround his head …. jalapeño poppers, tacos, barbecued ribs.
The dreaded hunger hallucinations!Sweating, Brian texted Ali. âBabe. Last minute meeting with the deputy mayor. Sorry, Iâm gonna miss dinner. Love ya!â
Brian lied.
Grabbing the bottle of Maalox and a Smokin‘ Joe’s menu from his desk drawer, Brian bolted from his cubicle, giddy as a school girl at her first dance.
âOutta my way, boys, outta my way!!â
Brian knew he was taking a big chance but he just didn’t care. He was starving, dammit! And out he ran, laughing and joyfully shouting, “Jalapeño-effing-poppers, baby!!”
I donât really think of myself as a thief; Iâm more of what youâd call an “exchanger“. Has a nicer ring to it, doesnât it?
See, hereâs the deal: I take other peopleâs lunches from the refrigerators at work and replace them with mine. Thatâs not really stealing; itâs more like sharing without the other person knowing â kind of like a one-sided Secret Santa.
Iâm a terrible cook. The staples in my house usually consist of protein bars, crackers, peanut butter, and microwave popcorn. Even if I could cook, I donât make enough money in my nowhere job to stock up on the kinds of foods I like to eat.
My job is to deliver the mail to the different departments for the company where I work. There are 15 floors in the building and each floor has two kitchens where the employees can eat their lunch, so I have 30 refrigerators to look through every day. Iâve been doing this for a long time and itâs pretty easy to get away with if you do it right.
So far Iâve been lucky; I havenât been nabbed taking anyoneâs lunch. And, as I said, I always leave something in its place. Of course, itâs usually a protein bar or peanut butter on crackers but itâs something.
You wouldnât believe some of the food people bring in for lunch â leftover veal parmigiana with pasta and salad, a nice piece of steak with vegetables, a giant roast beef sandwich â Iâm talking real food! One day somebody brought in an entire rotisserie chicken with biscuits, mashed potatoes and gravy â the whole nine yards!
Iâm not allowed to leave the mail cart unattended; I could lose my job over that. I put my meager lunch on the bottom rack of the mail cart and when no oneâs around I go into one of the kitchens and make a quick switcheroo. I always have my water bottle with me so it just looks like Iâm in the kitchen refilling my bottle. Unless someone is watching me, thereâs no way to know itâs me swapping out the lunches.
The trick is not to look out of place which isnât hard because no one ever pays attention to an insignificant nobody like me. Iâm practically invisible. Iâd be shocked if anyone at work knew my name. Iâm just âthe mail guyâ.
I casually wheel the mail cart into the kitchen, snatch something from the fridge and fill my water bottle. I hightail it out of there, leave that floor and head to a different kitchen where I heat up my pilfered lunch. After that I walk to a park by the water. Lots of people eat at the park and nobody knows me. If itâs raining, then I just eat lunch in my old Dodge in the company parking garage. People are constantly coming and going in that garage so Iâm just another face in the crowd
My second job at Bobâs Barbecue Pit is where I eat dinner. The pay isnât great but Bobâs an okay guy; he knows weâre all struggling and he lets us eat for free.
On Friday everything went off without a hitch. I grabbed a lunch, skedaddled outta there and headed for the park. Lunch was great â turkey, Swiss and avocado on a roll, a bag of chips and the biggest brownie Iâd ever seen. Just as I was about to toss my garbage, I noticed the name âChris Phillipsâ on the bag. Thank you, Chris, for a delicious lunch!
I finished the afternoon rounds, then headed over The Pit but I wasnât even half-way there when my stomach started churning and I began getting bad cramps. I knew I had to get to a bathroom fast so I decided to go home. I made it just in time! I had the worst diarrhea ever! I spent Friday night and Saturday in the bathroom and all of Sunday recuperating. Thatâs when I realized it had to be the brownie! I bet Chris took a chance that his lunch would be swiped and he loaded the brownie mix with Ex Lax.
That rat bastard! This called for retaliation!
All week long I thought about how I could get back at Chris, but was it really worth it?
Maybe it was time for me to move on, try to find a better job, earn more money.
Or maybe I could find the perfect payback for that weasel Chris. After all â I do like my sweets and revenge is the sweetest of all!
“What the hell am I doing out on a night like this?” Glenn grumbled to himself, his mood worsening with every passing minute. “Freezing rain, my feet are soaked and I don’t even want to go to this damn office Christmas party!”
No one at his company knew that Glenn was planning to quit on New Year’s Eve. He was sick of his dead-end job, always being passed-over and stuck in a little cubicle all day. There’s got to be more to life than that!
Running into the little gift shop located in his company’s office building, Glenn spotted a small lapis lazuli ornament near the cash register and decided it would make a fine Secret Santa gift. As he reached for it, his hand bumped into a lovely feminine hand with sparkling fuchsia fingernails.
“Hold on, buster! That’s mine! I just left it on the counter while I went to get a gift bag.”
Turning his head sideways Glenn encountered a familiar face; it was the receptionist at his office. He always thought she was pretty but tonight she looked particularly fetching.
“Carrie, isn’t it? Well, I’m sorry but the rule is if you put something down before paying for it, it’s fair game. Besides, I’m in a hurry and I don’t have time to look around for anything else.”
Carrie recognized Glenn immediately. He reminded her of a dreamy Hugh Grant in his younger days â handsome and charming â just not at this particular moment.
“Glenn, right? Well, I’m in a hurry, too. The office Christmas party is tonight and this is my Secret Santa gift. You’re probably here for the same reason.”
“Guilty as charged” Glenn quipped. “Come on, Carrie. It’s been a crappy day. I just want to buy this gift, make an appearance at the party and get the hell out of there.”
“I feel the same way. These office celebrations are the worst! The last place I want to be is at that party but it’s mandatory, as you know. Nothing like ‘forced fun’!”
Glenn had to chuckle at that.
“Look, Glenn. There’s a bunch of other ornaments right over there. Just pick something and let me buy this one, alright? I did see it first, after all.”
“Oh, alright! It’s all yours, Carrie” Glenn conceded and dashed off to look for something else. He quickly found a small gold star ornament, grabbed a gift bag and returned to the register just as Carrie was finishing up her purchase. She gave Glenn a little smile and headed out into the lobby. He couldn’t help noticing her shapely legs as she walked away, heels clicking on the marble floor.
“So, we meet again” declared the voice beside Carrie as she waited for the elevator. She felt a slight rush knowing it was Glenn.
“Or maybe you’re following me” Carrie replied coyly, hoping she wasn’t blushing. She and Glenn never really spoke to each other at work but he always caught her eye. Glancing at him Carrie was struck with how intensely blue his eyes were. At the same moment Glenn was thinking how very kissable Carrie’s lips looked in the shimmering light of the lobby’s chandelier.
They stepped into the elevator, the only two occupants as it made its slow ascent.
“Mind if I ask why you’re dreading this party so much?” Glenn inquired.
“That’s easy!” Carrie replied. “I hate my job! The people are unfriendly, all I do is answer the phone all day andgive directions to rude visitors. I’m bored to death and capable of so much more. If I tell you something will you promise to keep it a secret?”
Glenn nodded and gave her the ‘zipped lips’ sign.
“I’m quitting on New Year’s Eve” Carrie whispered.
“No kidding! So am I! I hate my job, too. But mum’s the word, OK?” Glenn whispered back conspiratorially and they stared into each other’s eyes for a lingering moment.
“Any idea what you’re gonna do?” Glenn asked.
“Not really” Carrie sighed “but I’ve always dreamed of running a bed and breakfast in Maine.”
“Sounds delightful” Glenn replied wistfully. “We used to vacation at my grandparent’s lake house in Maine when I was a kid. It’s gorgeous up there â a really great place to settle down.”
The elevator door opened to the office party in full swing. Glenn and Carrie groaned and deposited their little bags on the Secret Santa gift table. He went one way, she went the other but every few minutes they found themselves staring at each other across the room.
After a short time Carrie casually made her way to the elevator. She was just about to make her escape when she heard that familiar voice cry out “Hold the elevator!” and Glenn rushed in breathlessly.
“I was wondering…..” they said at the same time and laughed self-consciously.
“You first” prompted Carrie.
“I was thinking perhaps we could get a drink somewhere and talk about Maine” Glenn suggested.
“My thoughts exactly” Carrie replied. And when they stepped outside they discovered the freezing rain had changed to snow.
“Looks like one of my Christmas wishes came true” Glenn remarked, delighting in the sight of snowflakes kissing Carrie’s hair.
Carrie smiled up at Glenn. “Would you .. um .. like to go to my place?” she asked, her eyes twinkling. “We could start a fire, decorate the tree …..”
“I’d like that very much” Glenn replied and slipped his fingers between hers.
The Elephant's Trunk 