Free Verse, Poem

Invisible

Nancy's Notes 🖊️♬

Written for dVerse Poets – Don’t Shoot The Messenger;
or Tolstoy’s Birthday. Our host Melissa from Mom With A Blog
invites us to choose one of the quotes from a work by
Leo Tolstoy that resonates with us and write a poem
about the time(s) our actions aligned with the chosen quote.
This is the Tolstoy quote I used with my poem following.

“Rummaging in our souls, we often dig up something that
ought to have lain there unnoticed”, from Anna Karenina

© iStock

In all the long, lonely years since my birth,
we were never close …
just one of those sadly unfulfilled
relationships
between mother and daughter.

If she ever loved me,
she didn’t show it.
And, God forgive me,
I did not love her.

Yet here I was visiting her at the nursing home.

Why? Was I driven by misplaced guilt?

Was I still seeking her approval? 

Invisible.

That’s the only word that came to mind
when my mother turned to look at me.

Her eyes were blank,
her expression impassive.

And when she reached for my hand,
I waited for my tears
but they never came.

NAR©2025

This is “Mother” by Pink Floyd

Don’t shoot the messenger; or Tolstoy’s birthday

All text, graphics and videos are copyright for Nancy Richy and are not to be used without permission. NAR©2017-present.

43 thoughts on “Invisible”

    1. Since I’ve been writing on WordPress, I have met more women who have or had unfulfilled, dysfunctional relationships with their mothers. No wonder psychiatrists are so busy and bookstore shelves are full of books on the topic. A couple of years ago, I was a contributor to the anthologies “Wounds I Healed: The Poetry of Strong Women” and “Hidden In Childhood: A Poetry Anthology”. There were many beautiful but difficult poems about mother/daughter relationships; it was a relief knowing I was not alone. 💜

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      1. It is a very common ( meaning many cases) of mother and daughter problems….I have heard are absolutely distressing …. As you mentioned on the other side of the coin it is wonderful for women to be able to realise they are not alone .💜💜💜

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  11. A wow from me too.

    I have thoughts but don’t know how to write them clearly! I was lucky to have a loving caring mother but it was weird to find out things about her life that she deigned to tell me once I was grown up. Nothing major or out of the ordinary. Things like my dad (who died before I remember) being bipolar, or him being her second marriage. She didn’t keep them secret but… it seemed strange to hear them later in life.

    And now it makes me think about things my son doesn’t know about me. One reason I write my blog, for him to understand me, and then himself better in the future.

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    1. Oh, the great mysteries in life. How very strange it must have been to learn those things. I had an opportunity to sit with my son and his new wife to tell them what an “exciting life” my husband and I had before we settled down, and decided to start a family. It was so liberating telling them some crazy stories and I know they appreciated hearing them. Thank you for a super comment!

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    1. Since I’ve been writing on WordPress, I have met more women than ever before who have had difficult and painful relationships with their mothers. When we’re younger and in the moment, we believe it’s only us but it’s much more common than we think. I forgave my mother years ago and lived a happy life. I’m sorry to know you’ve been through some rough times with your own mother, Rene.

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      1. It’s a wound that never closes, she despised me…and it remains a mystery why. I was terrified of her, would never have deliberately crossed her. But she’s gone, hopefully at peace. Do you remember the movie or book, “Mommy Dearest”? Yep.

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          1. She said l looked & acted like her former sister-law, my aunt– and l did look so much like her that strangers assumed we were mother & daughter. It’s hardly my fault whose genes were dominant. And since I didn’t grow up around my aunt, between age 4 to 30, when l “met” her…l don’t know how l was “just like her”. Sorry to go on about this, sometimes it shows up in my poetry. I know there are a lot of women who were not nurtured by good moms…it’s a miracle some survive with compassion & empathy, so l am blessed. I also made the decision early to not have children, l was afraid I would be a monster too, and l couldn’t bear to think I’d see the hurt in my child’s face & know they were crying themselves to sleep every night. Again, apologies for unloading this on you, thanks for listening.

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            1. Please don’t feel the need to apologize, Rene. Whatever the bad blood was between your mother and your aunt had nothing to do with you except that you had the great misfortune of resembling your aunt …. certainly not your fault. Your mother must have really hated her to take things out on you!

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    1. Thank you, Lisa. We tend to put our parents on pedestals but they’re only human with lots of faults. My mother was a wonderful person, a very hard worker, an excellent provider and caregiver but she didn’t know how to be a mom, the type who reads stories and kisses booboos and snuggles. It’s ok; I’ve forgiven her and I became a happy person, well-adjusted person..

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      1. Sounds like she did the best she could. And you certainly grew up to be an awesome person! But, you make a good point, no one had a perfect childhood. My parents were flawed, they had their own issues from growing up with their parents. You gave your mom grace, and that is wonderful.

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  14. A very emotional poem, Nancy. Our relationships with our parents are complex ones and as I think back, I wish I had done some things differently in regards to them, but they are both long gone and my memories of them are quite faded…both the good memories and the non-so-good memories.

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    1. I always wanted to have the relationship my girlfriends had with their mothers, then I found out one was an alcoholic and another was never around because of her job. Whoever says they had the perfect childhood with nothing but happy memories is either the luckiest person in the world, a liar or totally has no memories. It’s terribly complicated. In my teens, when I got a handle on what was going on with my mother, I never felt sorry for myself; I felt sorry for my mom and the hurt she experienced. Thanks, Fan.

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  15. Excellent! Though incredibly sad (and relatable for me), you nailed the prompt.

    “If she ever loved me,
    she didn’t show it.
    And, God forgive me,
    I did not love her.

    Yet here I was visiting her at the nursing home.”

    I might or might not extend such a courtesy to my mother. She’s the most selfish person I’ve ever known. If she died today, I wouldn’t cry either.

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    1. Thanks very much, Melissa. My mother passed 16 years ago and I understand her better now than I did when she was alive. She wasn’t a bad mother; she was wounded and afraid to show love. As children we never wanted for a single material thing. We were well dressed, fed and taken care of but our relationship with our mother was businesslike. Dad was the complete opposite. Mom built walls to keep out the hurt but the walls also kept in her emotions and her love. I promised myself I would not be like her and I never was. I’m sorry your relationship with your mother is so hostile but I truly understand. ♡

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  16. Motherhood is a central and complex theme in Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, as the novel presents motherhood as a powerful force that both sustains and constrains women, forcing Anna to choose between her individual desires and her role as a mother, ultimately contributing to her tragic fate, Weird but very appropriate, Nancy.

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