Short Story

Let It Out

Nancy's Notes 🖊️🎶

Written for Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge
and Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge incorporating
the words ‘leaves’ and ‘judge’. This is my story.

It’s been 16 years but I can remember everything about that night. 

We were out to dinner with our friends Lily & Mac and Karen & Rob. I had been feeling a little anxious the whole day but figured I’d be fine at dinner – after all, these were people I knew and loved and who knew and loved me. Sitting at the table I was uneasy but hoped the feeling would subside. 

It didn’t. It continued to build as I sat surrounded by a room full of seemingly stress-free people laughing and enjoying themselves while I was ready to bolt. I was with friends I’ve known for years and I was freaking out, convinced everyone knew something was wrong.

There I was, not only stressing over life in general but stressing over the fact that I was stressing and everyone knew it and they were just waiting for me to explode. I figured I had four choices: I could fake it and try to pretend everything was ok; have a meltdown, which would make us all uncomfortable and solve nothing; I could say I had a headache and go home – after all, everyone leaves their table for one reason or another; or I could face the truth and tell my friends how I was feeling. I chose the last approach. Apprehensively, not knowing how anyone would react, I told my friends I was having a panic attack.

No one had a clue. 

What happened next was incredible. By admitting the truth, revealing my fear and vulnerability, everyone embraced me (not physically, of course – that would have been weird) but they all let me know it was ok. Whatever I wanted to do was ok. And more important than anything else, they did not judge me.

I chose to stay. Immediately, Karen reached into her purse, handed me the business card of her psychologist and said “Call her”. Lily then told me she also went to the same psychologist and quietly poured out her heart to me, unburdening herself while simultaneously letting me know I wasn’t alone. I was so engrossed in what Lily was telling me, I didn’t even realize my anxiety had passed. I had eaten my dinner and people were ordering dessert. The evening actually wasn’t a disaster. 

The next day Lily called to check on me. I’ll never forget what she said: “You know, I was sitting next to you and I didn’t notice anything wrong. You looked perfectly fine and if you hadn’t said anything we never would have known.”

That was amazing to me! No one noticed the ticking time bomb at the table. 

What a huge eye-opener that was. It made me realize that how I perceive myself is not necessarily how others perceive me. Being stoic and trying to hide my anxiety isn’t helpful; in fact, it could make things worse. Opening myself up and exposing my vulnerability showed me it’s ok to let others know “Hey, I’m freaking out right now and I need help.”

I learned a valuable life lesson that night: Let it out and let someone in. 

NAR©2024

Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Judge
Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Leaves

This is “Under Pressure” featuring Queen, Annie Lennox and David Bowie

All text, graphics and videos are copyright for The Sicilian Storyteller, The Elephant’s Trunk and The Rhythm Section and are not to be used without permission. NAR©2017-present.

41 thoughts on “Let It Out”

  2. I commend you for your transparency and courage opening up about this sensitive subject, then and now. I had a nervous breakdown in 2003 after the failure of my marriage, the passing of my best friend and father as well as seeing my career come crashing down. My father who had suffered from a similar form of depression as me was a great help to me in that horrifying episode of my life. I realise looking back that it was my alcohol and nicotine addiction that was leading to my inability to cope with life’s stresses even minimal one. Those were big demons to shake off and I still notice them wandering around.
    You are right, you have to open up about these things.

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    1. Thank you for sharing this extremely personal period in your life, Matt. It’s never easy to open up. My panic attack demons have left me, at least for the time being; we never know for sure if they are gone forever. I hope and pray that you are happy in life and rid of your demons as well. Never be afraid to seek help and guidance, especially where mental health is concerned. The hold that alcohol and smoke has on us is incredibly powerful. It’s not a nasty habit … it’s a disease and should be treated as such. I’m not surprised to hear you still feel the pull. My husband smoked all his life, even after I quit 30 years ago. It was only a fall off a ladder that put him in the hospital and rehab facility afterward that forced him to quit. No smoking allowed in those places, not even outside! That was 2018 and he will never smoke again. There have been times when he was tempted but the craving passed, just as your demons which are still wandering around will pass away. Godspeed, Matt.

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      1. Please excuse me for not responding earlier. As you may have noticed, I typically reply to messages just once a day after publishing an article and wait for any follow-ups the next day. And so it goes.
        Upon re-reading my message to you, I noticed I made a plethora of mistakes; not only gramatical but re. facts and timeline.
        It was interesting to read about your husband and his experience doing away with the ciggies and I’m glad his cravings have passed. I eventually stopped because I literally had no more money to buy ciggies and grog – a forced form of asceticism if you like. But it did the trick.
        Thanks for your lovely words Nancy and your inspirational article which enabled me to reach out about my challenges.
        Cheers.

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  3. Valuable wisdom for your readers. Thank you, Nancy. A silver lining side to going through personal challenges, whatever they might be, is experiencing the true meaning of friendship. I am glad you have that support and personal strength, too. 🌼

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      1. Beautiful compassion. Friends like that are a blessing. Panic attacks are frightening and debilitating as I learned a few years ago, induced by the fear of going under for a medical exam. May sound silly to some, but our individual fears and stressors can appear as a real threat.

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  4. I love this story, Nancy and your willingness to share your feelings and get the support you needed. What great friends. If you wouldn’t have it could have taken over. I love you came out the other side, I know how scary they can be!💗

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    1. Thanks so much, Cindy. It really makes me feel good reading your comments. I’m very grateful for my friends and the help I got. I can’t say for sure why the panic attacks stopped …. I’m just glad they did! You’re right; they can be very scary! 💜

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    1. For sure, D! I never wanted anyone to know about my panic attacks. Bill knew, of course, but I didn’t want anyone looking at me in a weird way waiting for me to freak out. The attacks didn’t happen often, thank goodness, but when they did, they were frightening and at times debilitating. I don’t miss them!

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, my friend.

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          1. Happy to hear that! I imagine you won’t be up to snuff 100% for a good while but hey…. you’re driving! Wooo hoooo!

            Fucking A. Went to pick up his mother at the airport yesterday at 4. Done and Done.

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