Short Story

No Martinis

Nancy's Notes 🖊️🎶

Written for The Unicorn Challenge where we are
to get creative in 250 words or less using the
photo prompt as inspiration. This is my story.

© Ayr/Gray

The name’s Hammer …. Jack Hammer.

The life of a special agent is a lonely one. It’s nothing like a James Bond movie or a John le Carré novel.

There were no pens that turned into parachutes. There were no Alfa Romeos, Jaguars or Aston Martins to drive along the Positano coast in a high-speed chase. Not a single suave and dangerous owner of a multi-million dollar casino. Nary a gorgeous, exotic, provocative sex bomb with a highly suggestive name. There were no martinis … neither shaken nor stirred.

In short, there was no excitement, no risk, no action. Not once did I dive behind a sofa while bullets flew across the room. Never did I slide down a roof covered with Mediterranean tiles, land smoothly in my waiting MG and speed away from the bad guys. I have never been shot in the neck with a poison dart. Never was I threatened and tossed out a window by a jealous husband.

That’s the life I was expecting when I was recruited by the Enigma International Elite Investigative Organization .… otherwise known as E.I.E.I.O. My dream profession as a super-secret special agent was nothing but one boring stakeout after another.

Time to report in: “Negative, sir. Nothing going on at the location. Not even the car in the alley has moved.”

“Alley?”

“Yes, sir. On the left.”

“Your target has no alley, Hammer; it’s attached on both sides. You’re watching the wrong house, you idiot! Report to headquarters. Now!”

Shit.

NAR©2024

The Unicorn Challenge-02/08/24

This is the theme song for the “Pink Panther”, written by Henry Mancini and performed by the WDR Funkhausorchester under the baton of Nic Raine.

All text, graphics and videos are copyright for The Sicilian Storyteller, The Elephant’s Trunk and The Rhythm Section and are not to be used without permission. NAR©2017-present.

46 thoughts on “No Martinis”

    1. Thanks, Jenne! It’s been a wretched week and I couldn’t deal with any more lugubrious stories. This was my chance to break out and have some fun.

      I wanted a funny acronym and E.I.E.I.O. was the first thing I thought of. That idea gave me a good laugh.

      So glad you enjoyed my story and don’t still have the Pink Panther music stuck in your head. Thanks so much, Jenne!

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  18. Pure genius, Nancy. Every paragraph is delightful, and the ending is just right. I feel sorry for poor Jack – such big dreams, such disappointment. And ‘E.I.E.I.O’ – 🤣🤣🤣

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Poor Jack may find himself back in spy school!

      I needed to write something funny after a bad week and this fit the bill. E.I.E.I.O. had me laughing out loud, especially when my husband suggested a few very funny but incredibly filthy words! 🤣

      So glad you enjoyed the read as much as I enjoyed the write. Thank you, Margaret!

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