Haibun, Poem, Prose

Identical Grief: A Haibun

Nancy's Notes 🖊️🎶

Written for dVerse Poetics: Picking Up The Pieces
where today we are sharing grief. This is my haibun.

Bill & Jim working on yet another crossword puzzle together

Tomorrow will be 4 months since my husband’s identical twin brother died suddenly. His wife returned home from a walk and found him on the bedroom floor; she said he was still warm. The news felt like an arrow ripped through our hearts. Jim was dead. How was my sister-in-law ever again going to walk into her bedroom without picturing her husband’s body? How was my husband Bill going to face the rest of his life as the lone twin? At one time there were three brothers; now there is only Bill. This is the most difficult trial for him. My husband lost a piece of himself that day. We are numb, disbelieving, questioning, dazed, numb, numb, so unbelievably numb.

You know how people say that time flies? Not when it comes to Jim; time has stopped for us. Logically we know he’s dead but our hearts cannot accept it. It’s unbelievable, inconceivable for us. It doesn’t feel possible. We function normally every day, do the same old crap, talk and eat and laugh. We watch movies, go shopping, pay bills, gab on the phone, babysit. We live the same lives we lived before Jim died except he’s not here to share them and we cannot wrap our heads around that. It just doesn’t feel like he’s dead. He should be here. It’s not right that he’s not here. It’s like someone has played the cruelest joke on us.

Now, when my sister-in-law looks at Bill, it’s Jim’s face she sees. And sometimes when I look at my husband, I see Jim and I find myself pondering why Jim was the twin who was taken.

I am Bill’s wife but Jim was his other half.

save them in your heart
golden summer memories
for when winter comes

City Island, Bronx NY circa 1950
No idea who’s who!


NAR©2024

Poetics: Picking up the Pieces

This is “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd

All text, graphics and videos are copyright for The Sicilian Storyteller, The Elephant’s Trunk and The Rhythm Section and are not to be used without permission. NAR©2017-present.

51 thoughts on “Identical Grief: A Haibun”

    1. Yesterday was 5 months and not much has changed. We ask ourselves when we will get used to the fact that Jim’s no longer here. I don’t think that day will ever come. My heart breaks for Bill who lost his best friend. It’s not supposed to be like this.

      Thank you for your warm words of sympathy, Melissa and the info about Frederick. I’ll check that out. ♡

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  7. can’t imagine the grief your husband must be going through (and his twin’s wife as well as the rest of your family).. Condolences to you and wishing for the strength of wonderful memories to get you all through this time

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  11. Your writing, your recounting of Jim’s departure and his significance in all of your lives is extremely touching and beautifully written. Some losses are hard to understand and accept. I am so sorry for yours. 💕

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    1. Thank you, Michele. I know you understand loss and grief; it’s a very personal thing. Losing a twin is one of the most difficult trials in one’s life. It’s said that time heals all wounds; I don’t think that’s true. I believe it just softens the blow. I appreciate you and your gracious comments. ♡

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      1. You’re very welcome, Nancy. I agree with you about time just softening the blow and then out of the blue memories can show up and flood a heart. Grief is something that never leaves, I think we just learn to accept it, make friends/peace with it. 💕

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    1. Thank you so much, Christine. It’s an incalculable loss for the entire family. The twins were always together; when you saw one, you saw the other. My husband is handling the loss well but he misses his brother so very much.

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  15. Oh I know how you and Bill are feeling. My sister will be gone two years on Halloween, and it still does not seem like she is gone. Just not possible. I still pick up the phone to call her, or think I’m going to ask her a family question (she was 11 years older, so she has a longer memory than me). Maybe it will never seem real.

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  16. Oh my! It must be so terrible for your husband. Like losing a part of himself. It takes a long-long time to wrap your head around a loss like this. And yet life goes on. I am so sorry, Nancy. Thanks for sharing. Sending you hugs. ❤️

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    1. Thank you so much for your very kind and sympathetic words. There are times Bill and I will be laughing about something and he’ll say that he needs to tell Jim. Those are the most surreal moments. It’s impossible for Bill not to think of his brother, even if he wanted to. Thank you. ♡

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      1. You are welcome. I just tried putting myself in his shoes and the enormity of loss is difficult to comprehend. Take care, Nancy. Take good care of Bill and your sis-in-law. They both need you. ❤️

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  17. I have twin brothers. One’s a retired prison guard, the other’s out of state (thank god), twelve years into his 25-to-Life sentence for 2nd degree murder.

    Me? I write poetry.

    Haibunilicious work. Sorry for your loss.

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  19. this is so sad my friend. So very sad. I’m so sorry to know this.
    hug, hug, hug: I got plenty. Enough to go around for everyone…

    the haibun is most beautiful. Every word goes deep

    thanks so much for sharing, Nancy. Bless you.

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