An oldie from 2017, revamped to
include several word prompts from
FOWC with Fandango,
Moonwashed Weekly Prompt and
Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge.
Hard boiled egg whites, cottage cheese, skim milk. Day 1. Brian sighed.
Boiled rice, a mozzarella slice, lactose-free milk. Day 2. Brian cried.
Yogurt, tofu, almond milk. Day 3. Brian died …. just a little.
What a drag.
After receiving the diagnosis “ULCER”, Brian’s wife Ali had been lovingly, carefully packing his lunches. He checked the contents of his bento box: plain broiled cod, boiled cauliflower and coconut milk. “This must be her White Period”, he thought, wistfully.
Sensitive and embarrassed coworkers averted their eyes as they passed Brian’s cubicle on their way to lunch. Gone were the cheerful calls “C’mon, Brian! We’re going to Smokin’ Joe’s Hot Wings for lunch!” or “Salsa and nachos in the hospitality room, guys!” Oh, the humanity!
Brian’s computer pinged. It was an email from Ali: “Hi, hon. Hope you’re having a great day. Did you find the Maalox I put in your backpack? We’re having something special for dinner tonight …. poached chicken, brown rice and garbanzo beans …. hope you’re hungry! Love ya, babe! xo”
“Ah, Ali’s Beige Period.” Brian stared blankly at the computer screen. “I wonder how many beige foods there are …. oatmeal, boiled potatoes, matzoh….”
How long could he continue at this rate?
Depressed, fatigued and hungry, Brian put his head in his hands; a solitary tear fell through his fingers onto his khakis. Slowly the wet spot morphed into the shape of a slice of pizza. “What the …. ?!” Incredulous, Brian blinked and wiped his eyes. “What’s happening to me?!” Images of devilish, cramp-inducing, bowel-seizing delicacies danced ‘round his head …. jalapeño poppers, tacos, barbecued ribs.
The dreaded hunger hallucinations! Sweating, Brian texted Ali. “Babe. Last minute meeting with the deputy mayor. Sorry, I’m gonna miss dinner. Love ya!”
Brian lied.
Grabbing the bottle of Maalox and a Smokin‘ Joe’s menu from his desk drawer, Brian bolted from his cubicle, giddy as a school girl at her first dance.
“Outta my way, boys, outta my way!!”
Brian knew he was taking a big chance but he just didn’t care. He was starving, dammit! And out he ran, laughing and joyfully shouting, “Jalapeño-effing-poppers, baby!!”
NAR © 2024
Doing a great parody of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”, this is “Weird Al” Yankovic with “Eat It”
This portfolio (including text, graphics and videos) is copyright for The Sicilian Storyteller, The Elephant’s Trunk and The Rhythm Section and is not for use by anyone without permission. NAR © 2017-present.
Poor Brian! But a little care is needed. Love the fun. Thank you, Nancy!
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Yes, I agree but I think his wife has gone overboard! 😂
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Poor Brian. I really feel for him.
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Anyone who’s been on a restricted diet due to health issues can empathize and sympathize with Brian.
Thanks, Iris.
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Jalapeno poppers are very hard to resist! 🌶️ The khakis made me laugh. More beige. Fun story Nancy! Made me hungry. 😁
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I made myself hungry!
So glad this one made you laugh, Michele!
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😆 Fortunately, it was dinner time for me. Thank you!
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I love it; I’m not surprised he gave in. Thank you for sharing it with our Chance challenge.
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I would have caved, too!
It’s a pleasure for me, Sue. Thanks!
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It’s a great parody of a classic. Having had almost 4 years of trying to get Hubby’s diet sussed due to gastro issues and chronic reflux, I am glad I never resorted to a white or beige period, more liquid, sloppy and slushy, sigh. Things are better, but we still have to be careful.
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Fortunately there’s a lot of information (and recipes) at our fingertips.
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I feel I’ve done pretty well over the years though. He is eating ‘proper meals’ just in smaller quantities and at earlier times.
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That makes a big difference.
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🙂
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Sometimes, in the beginning, it’s hard. Then it gets easier. Then it gets healthier. Then you feel healthier. But in the beginning, that song is always playing in the back of your mind…!
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Oh, you got that right!
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Brian needs better things to eat if he wants the colour back in his cheeks…better than white or beige!
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Yeah, a bit bland, I’d say. ☺️
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Love it, Nancy. Wonderful story. The beige food part had me in stitches. 🤣 Amazing how you combined so many challenges. Brilliant.💕
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Haha! Thanks, Grace!
I’d hardly say brilliant;
more like using up my stored prompts! 😂
It’s really great fun when things fall into place.
Thanks for your gracious comments. 🩶
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My pleasure, truly enjoyed. Modesty at its finest. Always a pleasure, Nancy.💕💕💕
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Thanks so much, Grace. 🥰
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💕
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Had to laugh. I found my husband, the-heart patient’s, stash of Milano Mints and Cheez-its in his filing cabinet.
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Haha!! We’ve all been there!
For me it was finding chocolate covered marshmallow Santas in the magazine basket next to his recliner. 😂 🎅🏼
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He’s going to regret it big time. Nice song 🎵
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Probably. He and his wife need to find common ground.
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👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
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Maalox or not, Brian is going to be having Jalapeño-effing-poppers nightmares later that night. Great write and thanks for fitting in all those FOWC with Fandango prompt words! 🙏
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There’s not enough Maalox in that small bottle to handle his world of pain.
Thanks, Fan. Keep the prompts coming and I’ll use them!
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Yep … sounds like my diabetes diet … I’m always hungry, but I haven’t cracked
(yet) …
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Don’t cave, Ivor! There’s something out there, when prepared properly, that will be both tasty and good for you. Don’t give up!
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Thanks Nancy … so far so good… I seem to be coping ok 😊😬
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Excellent! There are lots of options these days.
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