WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE

The Sicilian Storyteller

DAY 1 – Today, as I walked the hills, God spoke to me. We’ve had many talks before but today was different.  There was a certain unhappiness in his voice and he didn’t say much. Later, right in the middle of dinner, I heard God calling: “Noah? NOAH!” Oh, for Christ’s sake! Always when I’m eating! I got up and went to our usual spot. God said that he was going to start a torrential rain that would flood the earth, essentially killing everyone. Then he told me to wait for instructions. OMG! This is heavy duty. I totally lost my appetite.

DAY 15 – Two weeks later God called again and said he wanted me to build a boat … actually, he called it an ark and it had to be a certain number of cubits (Note to self: Google cubits). After it’s built I can bring only my wife Na’amah, our sons and their wives. In truth I did ask if I could leave the women behind but God just laughed and laughed. He said there was a method to his madness and I’d thank him later. Now, here’s where it gets really m’shuge: God told me I had to bring two of every animal, male and female, and enough food to feed every living thing for forty days and forty nights. I don’t think even He knows what a monumental undertaking this is.

DAY 18 – Tonight I told the family what we had to do and they looked at me like I was from Mars. I said “I know, I know! Enough with the looks already! As nuts as it sounds, that’s what He wants so that’s what He’s gonna get.” My sons began helping me build the ark while the women baked plenty of unleavened bread, cured meat and picked legumes, vegetables and fruit. 

DAY 318 – Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we finished the ark. You should have seen the crowd we attracted! I guess these people have nothing else to do all day except watch us work and crack jokes. “Just wait; you’ll see” was all I could say. So now came the major task of collecting the animals from their holding bins and loading them all onto the ark. Just as we got the last of the animals on board, the skies opened up and it started to pour. Rain like I’ve never seen before came down in sheets. The water rose quickly and we pulled up the plank, making sure everything was totally secure. We could hear the people outside; they weren’t laughing at us now. We felt the support beams fall away and the ark was afloat. Soon we were far enough away and all was quiet except for the sound of the rain. It was not easy and the women were very upset but I knew I was doing God’s will.

DAY 358 – Let me tell you, these last 40 days were no pleasure cruise; I don’t remember ever being locked up with four women and no means of escape. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Today we opened the hatch and discovered the rain had stopped. We released one of the doves; after a while it returned with a branch and we knew the waters had started to recede. Things looked promising; we even saw a rainbow. Then out of nowhere my wife says “Noah. There’s a problem. Nobody noticed we forgot the unicorns.” Well, I sure had a good laugh over that one. “You believe that fairytale??” I guffawed. “Next thing you’re gonna tell me is someone’s gonna write a book of biblical proportions about us. Maybe they’ll even make a movie. Na’amah, you crack me up!” 

NAR © 2023

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33 thoughts on “WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE”

  1. Hugely entertaining, Nancy, I particularly liked Big N’s expletive when his grub got interrupted!
    But, all joking aside, I wrote the same thing in 99 words, albeit without the blasphemy!

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      1. Almost in tears here, Nancy.
        That is far and away the most wonderfully provocative comment I have ever received!
        Câlins et bisous à toi.

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    1. Thank you, Tricia. Once I had a Sunday School teacher who used a felt board with cut out characters to make her stories come to life. I remember they were exciting, sometimes scary and often funny. I think I was channeling my former teacher and some Mel Brooks when I wrote this one. Glad you enjoyed it.

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  10. Biblically Brilliant, Nancy!!
    “…build me a floating zoo…but don’t you forget my unicorn”
    love it…looked it up…1967 from The Irish Rovers.
    (btw, do yourselves a favor and play the song…and at 2’39″…lol)

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    1. Love this golden oldie, Nick. So clever and a catchy tune. Nice ending, especially for the kids. Colette loves this!
      Biblically Brilliant! Funny! I loved my Bible stories as a child and eventually went on to teach Sunday School. Good memories.
      Grazie, Caro!

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