“Did I look at them?! Are you kidding me? Of course I looked at them! They’re phenomenal!! I thought my eyes were gonna bug outta my head!” my brother Paul jokingly remarked to his twin Patrick. I obviously walked in on them in the middle of a private conversation – probably about girls or sports – two subjects constantly on their 15 year old minds. They quickly shuffled the books and papers on Dad’s desk into one big pile, their faces turning red.
“What are you doing here, Penny? Aren’t you supposed to be at math club?” Patrick asked nervously.
“Yes but today’s session was cancelled because our math teacher had a meeting. But what I’m doing here isn’t nearly as interesting as what you’re doing here in Dad’s study.”
Paul and Patrick both started talking at once, turning even brighter red and getting more nervous every second while fiddling with the mound of papers on the desk. “Who, us?” asked Paul. “Nothing much – just the usual. We were talking about some of our favorite ball players … you know like A-Rod, Derek Jeter, Cal Ripken, Roger Clemens.”
“Yeah, that’s right” agreed Patrick. “We were looking at our baseball cards and magazines and comparing stats. No big deal.”
“Oh, is that so?” I challenged. “Then explain to me why you sounded so excited if it was ‘no big deal’ and why you’re here in Dad’s study using his desk – which you know is off limits – when all your baseball cards, magazines and what have you are upstairs in your bedroom?”
My brothers started squirming as I continued.
“I know you boys and I’m sure you’re up to something. Where are all your cards? Where are all your magazines? I don’t see anything baseball related at all. So you see by this simple matter of deduction, your lame answers are wrong and my reasoning is right!”
The boys looked at each other, quickly gathered their piles of papers and books and began running to the stairs and the safety of their bedroom. In their haste to get away from me, everything they were holding slipped from their arms and fell to the floor.
And there it was – the thing they were so desperately trying to hide – a copy of Playboy with Farrah Fawcett in all her glory on the cover.
I gasped in righteous indignation. “I’ve never been more ashamed of you two! That’s a filthy sex magazine! Do you know what she is??”
Paul sighed deeply and whispered “She’s a goddess.”
“Yeah, a goddess” repeated Patrick breathlessly.
“She is not a goddess!” I yelled. “She’s a Hollywood bimbo, a floozy … at least that’s what Mom says.”
“I don’t think Dad would agree with that” replied Paul. “After all, it’s his magazine. He’s got quite a collection!”
“Dad’s?!?” My hands flew to my face in shock and all my books fell to the floor.
“Well, what have we here?” quipped Patrick. “Playgirl magazine, Penny? I’m appalled!” Paul pretended to faint.
“Oh, you two think you’re real funny. I bet you won’t be laughing when I tell you it’s Mom’s magazine!”
“Mom’s?!?” the boys shouted in unison. “But she’s … Mom!!”
“Looks like we’re at a standoff, wouldn’t you agree, boys?” I said conspiratorially “Let’s put both these magazines back in the desk where we found them.”
“And no one will be the wiser” agreed Paul.
Just then we heard a loud “AHEM” and spun around to find our parents behind us!
Dad was angry. “Well, it’s obvious you little snoops can’t be trusted. You were caught red-handed and now you’re going to have to pay the price. I’m very disappointed in the three of you. You’re all grounded for two weeks.”
On my way upstairs to my room I heard my parents laughing and Mom teasingly saying “Could you imagine if they found our stash of VHS tapes? Good thing I keep them well hidden!”
“Oh, you are so right! Come here, my little vixen” Dad replied in a voice that sounded strangely like Ricardo Montalbán.
Ew! Gag me with a spoon!
NAR © 2023
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as we get In The Groove
at The Rhythm Section.
https://rhythmsection.blog/
The Elephant's Trunk 
Another fun story! The good old days when porn was hidden in the desk drawers instead of available on every phone.
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Very true, Bridgette. We need those days back again.
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Great story…Zappa rules!
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Thank you.
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An interesting read, Nancy! Parents are also, after all, humans. They were also children at one point of time. But your imagination runs wild. Love how you perceive and write ✍️
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Of course you are correct, KK. We only know our parents as adults so it’s very difficult for us to see them any other way. I’m sure they had their moments, and their parents before them! Thank you for your very gracious comments. 🌹
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Always a pleasure to read you 💖
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The ending! Can’t unhear that. 😂 An entertaining write, Nancy, with a thread of charming innocence.
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It seems a lifetime ago, Michele, but I still remember those days of innocence. Thanks for your gracious comments.
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Yes, I know what you mean. 😊😇 You’re most welcome. Love your stories!
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No. Because our parents never did anything like that!
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One day my father and his brothers were talking. I wasn’t a kid at this point; I was married so prob 24/25. I overheard their conversation and someone said a particularly off-colorful word. I was shocked that my father knew that word. Pretty naïve, I guess, but my parents never cursed beyond an occasional ‘hell’ or ‘damn’.
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A caught us once, but she was too young to know what we were doing.
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Oh, the horror! LOL
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That indescribable sensation we all got when we realized our parents were still having sex! How could we look them in the eye without that image in our heads? O.M.G!! 😂 😂
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Can’t think too deeply about this one. I was a snoop…
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At some point in our young lives I think we all were. And our parents before us!
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Oh yes, probably even more so because when our parents were kids, no one talked about anything they needed/wanted to know!
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Love it, just what all kids dread, discovering their parents are human 😂
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Haha!! Exactly! Gag me with a spoon 😂
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Oh no! Busted.
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Without a way out! (Not that I would know anything about that!) Thanks, Sadje!
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Haha!
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*Echoes : Oh, boy…oh, boy…*
I love this!
If there was a way for Kodak photos inside a dusty family album to come to life, then your ink is a surefire formula, Nancy!
Oh, boy…she’s a godess 😁
And Frank Z to top it off!
Oh, boy!
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It thrills me no end that I can still make someone say “Oh, boy!” the way you just did, Nick! You wrapped it up in one big beautiful bundle 💫
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Oh, boy. By gone days.
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I love it! Another Oh, boy!! (Actually, yours was the first). Memories like these are signs of a full and rich life. Thanks, A!
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