It’s a fiver today,
including prompt words from
FOWC with Fandango
and Weekly Prompts Wednesday.
âDebonair, sophisticated and charmingâ sighed Alice Carter. âI just love that movie. Cary Grant is so good-looking and classy. They donât make movies like that anymore, you know?â
âAnd that Ingrid Bergman is some beauty, tooâ replied Aliceâs husband Ralph. âThose smoldering eyes, high cheekbones, graceful neck â a real looker, that one.â
âAnd so chic, too, Ralph. You always knew a real lady when you saw one. Well, I better start dinner. Iâm making your favorite â sausage and potato casserole.â
âI hope you made a lemon meringue pie for dessert.â
âOf course! Have we ever celebrated your birthday without your favorite pie? I know what you like, Ralph.â
“No, we have not, Alice. The kitchen is your milieu and no one makes a lemon meringue pie like you, my little chickadee!” Alice blushed with delight; Ralph’s compliments were rare these days.
Returning to the den after starting dinner, Alice found Ralph was watching the weather channel. “My goodness! That weather girl’s pants are awfully tight! They’re a bit unseemly for TV, I think. Don’t you agree, Ralph?“
“Oh, I don’t think so at all, Alice. She’s got a lovely figure; she probably works out every day. I’m sure her parents instilled in her an excellent work ethic. You know, I remember reading in some countries the TV weather girls are topless.”
“Topless? Why, I never” Alice declared indignantly; Ralph switched the channel to the news.
Alice clucked her tongue. âWhy arenât there more delightful men on the news, men like that handsome Peter Jennings?â
âBecause heâs deadâ replied Ralph.
âHow about Mike Wallace? He’s so dapper.â
âAlso deadâ Ralph reminded Alice.
âLook at that clown, Glenn Beck, wearing jeans and sneakers on a TV news show! Give him a beanie and heâd look just like one of those little rascal kids. What ever happened to that nice Matt Lauer?â
âFired for overt misconduct and sexual harassmentâ replied Ralph.
âGood Lord! I donât believe it! Well, what about Bill OâReilly, Eric Bolling and Charlie Rose?â
âFired, fired and, oh yeah .⊠fired. Alice, can I please have a moment of peace and quiet to watch the news?â
âWell, pardon me for living! No need to be rude, Ralphâ she sniffed. âIâm going to check on the sausage casserole.â
When she returned Alice stopped dead in her tracks. âOh my God, Ralph! What on earth are you watching now?â
âItâs still the news, Alice. In fact, itâs called âThe News Channelâ. News all day, every day.”
âThe âX Rated News Channelâ, you mean! No wonder those poor men got fired. What red-blooded guy could resist floozies like that showing off their goods on national TV? They look like hookers! And look at you sitting there in your underwear all bug-eyed. Disgusting!â Alice harrumphed.
âPut a lid on it, Alice! You donât have the slightest idea what youâre talking about. These women are professionals. Theyâre lawyers, professors and judges, not some bimbos with sketchy qualifications who just walked in off the street.â
âYeah, theyâre highly qualified alright âŠ. as adult entertainers!â Alice snapped. âTake that one on the end with the dyed blonde hair and skirt so short I can practically see Niagara Falls! What happened …. did they run out of fabric? And the other one with the dark hair. Who is she …. one of the Kardashians? With those spike heels and implants, I’m sure she can get a job as a pole dancer!â
âWoah, woah, woah! Thatâs enough, Alice! Look, this here is Megyn Kelly. She has a law degree, is a journalist, an author and a world-famous political commentator as well as a news anchor. The dark-haired one is Kimberly Guilfoyle. Sheâs a political analyst, an attorney and former First Lady of San Francisco. Now sheâs engaged to Donald Trump, Jr.â
âWell, big whoop!! If you think Iâm impressed, Ralph, youâve got another thing comin’. Youâre delusional!â
âI donât care what you think, Alice. Iâm sure their families are very proud of them. Besides being absolutely stunning, they are brilliant. Now why donât you just run back into the kitchen and let me enjoy my one indulgence.â
âIndulgence??â Alice countered. âSo you admit itâs all about cheap thrills and nothing to do with the news. Youâre such a pig, Ralph!â
“Alice, your ignorance is showing. Can we please stop talking about this? Howâs that sausage coming, anyway? Iâm starving!â
Alice saw red. âHereâs an idea for you, Ralph. Get Kimberly whatâs-her-name to see to your sausage. Iâm sure sheâs highly qualified! And one more thing …. Happy Effin’ Birthday!â
NAR © 2024
Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge -Weather
This is Judas Priest with âYouâve Got Another Thing Comingâ.
This portfolio (including text, graphics and videos) is copyright for The Sicilian Storyteller, The Elephantâs Trunk and The Rhythm Section and not for use by anyone without permission. NAR © 2017-present.
This is a brilliant script for Ralph and Alice! Well done.
I thought long and hard about mentioning this, but… in the end my nerdiness won out. And Judas Priest should have known better, too.
The idiom is originally ‘…another think coming…’ but the living nature of the English language and the American tendency to contract and phoneticize has led to the more commonly used (now) “…another thing coming…”
So, like… here is a brief article about it: https://www.vocabulary.com/articles/pardon-the-expression/another-think-coming-vs-another-thing-coming/
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Now were Ralph and Alice from today, I could so easily picture this happening! No lemon meringue pie for you… no wait, here! Pow! Right in the kisser! đ
Fun stuff, Nancy!
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Haha! Too funny, Dale!
This sounds like the Kramdens meet Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi!
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Haha! Yes!!
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I loved this! Hilarious! Thank you for sharing it with our weather challenge!
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Thanks, Sue! Always fun to do!
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I’d have him wearing his sausage casserole.
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Something tells me that’s coming next!
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Ha!! I wasted a damn good cup of coffee in temper!
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That birthday went south awfully quickly. It’s all on that damned TV news, no doubt! đ
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No doubt! Ralph and Alice are the type who feed off each other. They’ll be together and at each other’s throats forever! đ
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A couple of true honeymooners, for sure!
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Nice connection but Ralph Kramden could never hold his own against the sharp tongue of Alice (no pun intended) đ
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Ah, it can turn on a dime.
I wonder what happened to the pie…
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Haha!! You would!
What a waste of a good pie đ„§
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Megynâs parents obviously never taught her how to sit like a lady.
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I see London, I see France!
Yadda, yadda, yadda! đ
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Things escalated so quickly, and Alice just wouldn’t quit. I hope everyone is going to be OK.
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I don’t think Ralph’s getting any lemon meringue pie tonight. đ„§
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heeheehee!
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I love your laugh, David!
Glad you enjoyed this one!
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Next Netflix movie! đ„
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đđđ
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What Fan said! đ€Ł
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Nuff said!
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â⊠skirt so short I can practically see Niagara Falls!â Oh my God, that had me literally rolling on the floor laughing. I could visualize the set of The Honeymooners with Jackie Gleason and Audrey Meadows as Ralph and Alice Kramden as I was reading this. You ought to be a writer for a TV sit on. This was FANTASTIC!
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*sitcom*
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đ đ I saw that!
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Actually, I liked “sit on” better…
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Hahaha!!
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đ€Ł
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Haha! Thanks Fan! I wonder if I hadn’t named them Ralph & Alice if you’d feel the same way. I had great fun creating these two; glad you enjoyed them.
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A war is imminent in this household đ âčïž
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They battle every day but can’t live without each other!
Thanks for your comments, Sadje.
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My pleasure đ
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