Short Story

FATHER, FORGIVE ME

The Sicilian Storyteller

It’s six for A Six today,
all coming together to form one story:
One prompt for GirlieOnTheEdge’s Six Sentence Story,
four Fandango’s One Word Challenge prompts and
one photo prompt from Melissa’s Fandango Flash Fiction Challenge.
Yes Siree Bob, that makes six!
🎄 🦌 🎅🏼 🦌 🎄

© Judith Prins/Unsplash

It was a long time ago, probably 30 years now, but I remember that night like it was yesterday, as if someone had taken a permanent marker and etched the whole event on my brain for all eternity; at the time I was quite active in my church, so much so that I somehow managed to get myself elected president of the parish council, a situation I found myself in because it’s a tremendous challenge for me to say “no” and, as a result, I end up getting involved in projects I’d rather not be doing. 

My committee and I were decorating the rectory meeting room and setting the tables for the parish council’s Christmas dinner when I realized the wine I bought for the function had gone missing; now, I am a very organized person, certainly no scatterbrain, and when I found there was no room whatsoever in the refrigerator or freezer for the bottles of wine, I placed them in a covered box in the garage attached to the rectory knowing they would stay safe and cold, so how they could have disappeared was a total mystery. 

Faced with the inability of turning water into wine and with no time to go to the store, I decided to check the rectory storage room hoping to find wine left over from a previous dinner and I was rewarded with an entire case of red wine sitting on a shelf in the corner just waiting for me; well, never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I saw this new-found wine as divine intervention and placed two bottles on each table, quite pleased with myself for having saved the night at the last minute. 

When the priests arrived for the party, they looked around the room in approval, nodding and smiling, but that was short lived when I suddenly saw one priest, Fr. Bob, heading my way and he didn’t look happy which made me wonder what was causing his consternation; now, in my defense, I am not a member of the clergy and have no way of knowing these things but the wine I found in the storage room was not just any ordinary, run-of-the-mill wine – no siree – it was blessed communion wine, meant solely for the purpose of Holy Communion and definitely not for a party, albeit a church Christmas party!  

When Fr. Bob asked me (rather belligerently, I might add) how I could have made such a careless mistake, my mind went  blank and everything I tried to say ended up sounding like a lame excuse; what was supposed to be a great accomplishment for me as parish council president turned into the most mortifying experience of my life and just when I thought the evening could not get any worse, it did.  

The man I hired (from a so-called “reputable” agency) to play Santa Claus went AWOL, leaving his sleigh and a slightly inebriated-looking reindeer abandoned in the snow-covered backyard of the rectory; after a search of the grounds, Santa was found in the monsignor’s car in the garage, drunk as a skunk, passed out in the back seat and clutching my missing bottles of wine …. and if you give me a Bible, I will place my right hand on it and swear that everything you just read is entirely true (except the part about the tipsy reindeer; I added that because I simply couldn’t ignore the adorable graphic accompanying this story).

NAR © 2023

Sunday’s Six Sentence Story Word Prompt!
FOWC with Fandango — Permanent
FOWC with Fandango — Mortifying
FOWC with Fandango — Blank
FOWC with Fandango — Scatter
Melissa’s Fandango Flash Fiction Challenge #247

This is “The Ballad of Uncle Drank – Santa’s Hammered”

29 thoughts on “FATHER, FORGIVE ME”

  5. Excuse my language but Fr. Bob was being a dick, huh? You hosted a fabulous Christmas party (minus drunk Santa), everyone had a good time and! everyone got unexpected blessings via the “special” wine 😁 What more could you ask for, lol
    P.S. “tipsy reindeer” was a nice touch!

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    1. Thanks much, Denise; this was great fun and the upside is I’ve since learned how to say “no”. LOL!

      No excuses or apologies necessary and definitely no worries. The truth is Fr. Bob is a major dick and I’m certain you’re not the first person to call him that! 😁

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    1. Thanks, D! Sometimes the best stories are the ones based on memories.
      I took one look at that reindeer image and that night at the church Christmas dinner came flooding back. Needless to say, I chose not to run for re-election as parish council prez! 🤣🤣
      Thanks, my friend! Sure am glad you enjoyed this one! 😁

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  9. Six in a Six… David Copperfield move aside!!👏

    Excellent storytelling, as always!
    You know, it reminds me of a story where the priest was so drunk during the Baptism that he forgot to emerge the baby from the water until parents and godmother started, politely😆, telling him to raise the baby!!
    Some say it was that day that particular baby realized the meaning of If you die before you die, you won’t die when you die🤣

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    1. 😂 😂 😂
      Thanks, Nick! I had a few prompts in my “Archive” file and I wanted to use them before the end of the year, so I tossed them into this tale …. kind of like making spezzatino di manzo* …. and this was the result! They turned out to be excellent words for my story. 😀

      Speaking of stories …. why do I get the feeling that baby being baptized was you? “Αν πεθάνης πριν πεθάνης δεν θα πεθάνης όταν θα πεθάνης”** sounds exactly like something the Gatekeeper would say …. or perhaps an ancient Greek philosopher, Eckhart Tolle or Bob Dylan! 🤣 🤣

      * Beef Stew
      ** If you die before you die, you won’t die when you die

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  10. Nancy, your church Christmas party story from 30 years ago is unforgettable! As parish council president, a mishap with communion wine led to a comedic twist. The search for replacement wine unwittingly used communion wine, creating a humorous situation. The unexpected arrival of a Santa Claus, the culprit behind the missing wine, adds another layer of hilarity. Your candid storytelling captures the essence of unexpected challenges during well-intentioned events. Thanks for sharing this amusing memory!

    ~David

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  11. I love everything about this. Especially,

    “Faced with the inability of turning water into wine and with no time to go to the store,”

    and of course

    “a slightly inebriated-looking reindeer”

    The music video about Santa getting hammered is pretty great, too.🤣 Thank you for joining in the fun.

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