Story

CHRISTMAS TREE COUP DE GRÂCE

The Sicilian Storyteller

Denise at GirlieOnTheEdge
is asking us to write a
Six Sentence Story
and to include the word “farm”.
This is my story.

My Tree

Early in our marriage, Bill and I inherited my parent’s ginormous artificial Christmas tree which we used for about ten years until it died; at that point our boys were very young and we thought it would be a nice family outing to go to one of the local nurseries to pick out a live tree, which was something we did for about four years until one Thanksgiving, while celebrating at my sister’s house in Rhinebeck NY, my brother-in-law mentioned they were going to Wonderland Farm the next day to get their Christmas tree (and you can bet my ears perked up at hearing a delightful fantasy name like that …. Wonderland Farm …. an utterly irresistible place if ever there was one and I definitely had to go!).

Well, it turned out that Wonderland Farm was a wholesale grower of Christmas trees, meaning people like you and I could go there, walk around the grounds until we found the perfect tree for our house, chop it down, drag it to the baling machine where it got bound and gagged and tied to the top of the car, then we had to drive the 90 miles home (the whole time checking to see if the tree was still on top of the car), drag the tree into the garage, saw off an inch or two from the bottom and let the tree sit in a bucket of water for a couple of days before bringing it inside to decorate; being totally unfamiliar with this activity and having young boys who thought it would be “awesome” to act like Paul Bunyan for a couple of hours, we decided to join in the tree chopping fad – a new family tradition that lasted for about three years until the back-breaking, ass-freezing novelty wore off.

Once we stopped cutting down our home-grown trees, we weren’t quite ready to bite the bullet and go cold turkey by putting up a fake tree, so back to the local nurseries we went for a few more years until that fateful day when I was un-decorating by myself and, while struggling to get the tree out the front door to the curb, I lost my balance and fell backwards into our partially frozen juniper bush; my hands and clothes were sticky from pine sap, I was a disheveled and scratched mess from wrestling my way out of the juniper, there was a trail of pine needles from my living room to the front curb, I was exhausted and achy and I’d had quite enough …. the perfect storm, the live Christmas tree coup de grâce.

The following weekend the family hopped into the car and drove to the Christmas Tree Shop where we bought a nice big artificial tree which we lugged home and immediately tossed into the attic where it remained until the following December which turned out to be a huge mistake because when we finally opened the box, we discovered it was not the gorgeous fake evergreen we saw on display but a namby pamby shade of pink aluminum which was never going to fly in my house, so we packed it all up and returned to the Christmas Tree Shop where we were told “No refunds after 90 days of purchase”; logically, I knew that but it was still a bit of a blow because the store was to blame for the mislabeled box, so once again we found ourselves wandering around looking for a Christmas tree and we found something I’d never seen before – a skinny tree, fully decorated and lit, with its own storage bag, meant to fit neatly in the corner of a room – and we scooped that baby up and brought it home.

That skinny tree served us well but (you knew there was a ‘but’ coming, didn’t you?) for a skinny tree, that damn thing weighed a ton and lugging it up from its storage spot in the basement really took its toll on Bill’s rotator cuff [we still have that skinny tree neatly packed away in its storage bag and stashed in a corner of the basement and every time I go into that back room, it scares the hell out of me because I forget it’s there and it looks like a body bag up against the wall!]; now I was asking myself what we would do for our next tree and the answer came to me while at the dentist one day and I spotted his lovely 3-foot tall fiber optic tree with twinkling lights which seemed to speak to me in Morse Code saying “Buy me and put me right by the fireplace and surround me with nutcrackers”, so that’s exactly what I did and there it served us very well for a couple of Christmases …. until I saw something while searching for stocking stuffers on Amazon that turned out to be a veritable game changer.

There on Amazon was a gorgeous tree the likes of which I had never seen before and I read all about it (not once but twice) and ordered it yet I was still surprised when a package was delivered that resembled an extremely large pizza box which contained something that looked like a wreath that melted like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz …. it sure didn’t look like a Christmas tree and I was beginning to wonder if I’d made a mistake or if Amazon had sent the wrong item …. but after laying out all the parts on the floor (which consisted of the melty-looking tree, a base and a pole), it all began to make sense and it was incredible to see it all come together; there’s no way I can adequately describe how wondrous this tree was in person or how amazingly easy it was to assemble so if anyone is interested in seeing for themselves just how easy it really is, go to Amazon.com and search for “Prextex Premium 6 ft Pre-Decorated Christmas Prelit Pop Up Tree” – but I must caution you …. you may very well want a Christmas tree or two just like this for your very own home .… and I absolutely couldn’t blame you!

See, exactly as I described it!

NAR © 2023

This is Brenda Lee and “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree”

Sunday’s Six Sentence Story Word Prompt!
FOWC with Fandango — Disheveled

46 thoughts on “CHRISTMAS TREE COUP DE GRÂCE”

    1. Haha!! The funniest part about that, Manette, is it happens every time I go into that part of the basement. You’d think by now I’d remember it’s down there but no such luck!
      So glad you enjoyed my story; it was a lot of fun recalling all those trees! 🎄

      Like

      Reply

  3. for all that engineers may lack in whimsical imagination they make up in ‘No, way! That can’t be the product of that small and flat amount of parts!’

    (we’ve tended towards the tall side in trees (cursed with high ceilings) this year Phyllis came home with something that she could put the top ornament on without a ladder. To the appreciative sigh of relief from healthcare providers everywhere!)

    Fun Six

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Ever since Bill fell off a ladder while cleaning the gutters on the roof, the blasted things are verboten in and/or around the house except when being used by a professional.

      A topper on a six foot tree is quite manageable for him …. not for me.

      Like

      Reply

  10. “..Laughing all the way…”
    When we were operating the inn we would go to the nursery and cut down one of the overgrown trees from the back 40, the ones no one ever bought and the vendors were happy to be rid of. It was usually around 18 feet, and was quite a feat to get into the house and put up. One year, the tree was so big we went to the local pizza parlor down the street and bribed four burly guys with pizza to come and help us. That was the easiest year.
    There are Christmas tree farms all over around here, so I still do my part. However, mow, we have a little six-foot tree, and I have to do ornament triage and decide which ones will make the cut.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  14. And a lovely tree it is. Our family keeps to a rigid Nordic tradition: the Christmas tree, and its decorations, is mens’ work. My daughter-in-laws are upset that my sons think this tradition is bollocks.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  16. Well… that was some Christmas tree..p!🎄
    Your Six, Nancy, can easily be an addition to the National Congress Library for future generations to learn about the evolution of Christmas tree decoration.

    When we bought ours years ago, it took us 7 hours to unfold every branch… I was like Hell no, I am not doing that again! So, there is in storage a big tree until it becomes a Christmas one on December😆

    Enjoy all the festivities if this Christmas!
    (I am sure Bill’s rotator cuff is most thankful for Prextex)

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    1. 😂 😂 😂
      We have been through the 7 hour assembly (and that’s before lights and decorations!) and what we should have done after Christmas was hide the fully decorated tree behind the curtains in our spare room and brought it out the following Christmas, all ready to go! It’s a wise person who does that, Nick; we were not wise! 😂

      Today, as I’m decorating the living room, I will think of you and your 7 hour ordeal from hell.

      Buon natale e felice anno nuovo! The countdown has begun. 🎄

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

        1. That’s great! Just to give you a better feel for the tree and a bit more info, here’s the review I wrote for Amazon. I hope it helps when/if you decide to purchase it:

          The instructions were very easy to follow and the tree was assembled in 5 minutes. I can’t remember the last time I was this impressed with an item! It is gorgeous with its sparkly lights, ribbons, bows and balls and fits perfectly in the corner between our dining room and living room. It even came with extra balls which we didn’t think we needed. I took one star off the rating for sturdiness; in truth, it is a little wobbly but my husband fixed that problem easily after we ordered a lightweight star for the top which turned out to be too heavy for the tree. My husband found a piece of corner molding in his workshop (about 3 feet long) which he inserted down into the top of the tree and attached it to the center rod with electrical tape. You can’t see the molding at all and it’s strong enough to stabilize the tree AND hold the lighted star topper. We also placed two bags of sand on the base just for extra stability; we have a cat and we didn’t want to risk her climbing in and possibly knocking the tree down. A little extra weight on the base was an easy fix and the sandbags are covered by the tree skirt. All in all, this tree is a game changer and a life saver. I’d recommend it to anyone!

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply

Leave a comment