IT’S A DOG’S LIFE

“Where are we going, Charlie? Huh, huh?? Where are we going?” 

“I thought we’d go to the dog park. Would you like that, Earl?” 

“The dog park? THE DOG PARK?? OMG! I’m so excited I think I’m gonna pee!” 

“You better not! Now settle down and stop licking my face. I’m trying to drive. And quit running around the car or we’re going home.” 

“I’ll be good, I promise. You brought the frisbee, Charlie? Oh, man, this is gonna be so great! I can fetch sticks and roll in the leaves and if I’m really lucky you-know-who will be there.” 

“Yes, Earl. That cute beagle you’ve been eyeing. What’s her name – Misty?” 

“Yup, yup, that’s it Charlie – Misty! ** SIGH **  Hold on, Charlie, this isn’t the way to the dog park. You gotta turn around. We’re going the wrong way! Charlie, turn around!” 

“It’s ok, Earl. We have to make one stop first. Why don’t you just lie down and rest. We’ll be there soon.” 

“Ok, Charlie. I’ll just lie here on the back seat and save my energy for … hey, why is my crate in the car, Charlie? We never take my crate to the park. Why did you bring my crate?? Why, Charlie? What’s going on?”

“Earl, sit! Good boy. Look, here’s your chew toy.” 

** CHOMP CHOMP ** 

“Ok, Earl, we’re here. Let’s go buddy.” 

“Hey, I recognize this place. It’s the veterinarian’s office! Why are we at the vet, Charlie? I don’t need shots and my nails don’t need trimming. I don’t wanna be here. I wanna go to the park! Charlie, why are you taking my crate out of the car? Why do we need the crate? Charlie, I got a bad feeling about this.” 

“Come here, boy. Sit next to me and listen, ok? You’re my best bud and I’ve never lied to you but I didn’t tell you the truth today. I’m sorry. We were never going to the park. I only said that because I didn’t want to upset you. We’re at the vet because it’s time.” 

“Time? Time for what, Charlie? Am I sick, Charlie? Am I DYING? That’s it, isn’t it? I’m dying!! CHAAAAARLIE!! I don’t wanna die!” 

“Calm down, buddy.You’re not sick and you’re certainly not dying. You’re here today to get snipped.”

“Snipped?” 

“Yeah – neutered.”

“NEUTERED?!? ** HOWL ** I’d rather be dead! Why, Charlie, why?? What about Misty? That means I’ll never … you know.” 

“Misty? Of course you’ll be able to … you know. You’ll just be shooting blanks.” 

“Cmon, Charlie. Can’t we please just go home? I don’t wanna do this. Being a dog without balls is a bitch, metaphorically speaking, of course.” 

“It’ll be over before you know it, Earl. Get in your crate now, boy. We’ll go to the dog park in a couple of days and Misty will be there waiting for you.”  

“A COUPLE OF DAYS?!? ** WHINE ** This sucks, Charlie! Betrayed by my best friend.” 

“Sorry, Earl. Sometimes life’s a bitch, ain’t it?”

NAR © 2019

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