DAY 1 – Today, as I walked the hills, God spoke to me. We’ve had many talks before, but today was different. There was a certain unhappiness in his voice and he didn’t say much. Later, right in the middle of dinner, I heard God calling: “Noah? NOAH!” Oh, for Christ’s sake! Always when I’m eating! I got up and went to our usual spot. God said that he was going to start a torrential rain that would flood the earth, essentially killing everyone. Then he told me to wait for instructions. OMG! This is heavy stuff.
DAY 32 – Three weeks later God called again and told me to build a boat .. actually, he called it an ark and it had to be a certain number of cubits (Note to self: Google cubits). After it’s built I can only bring my wife, sons and their wives. In truth I did ask if I could leave the ladies behind but God just laughed and said there was a method to his madness. Now, here’s where it gets really crazy: I had to bring two of every animal, male and female, and enough food to feed all of us for forty days and forty nights. I don’t think even he knows what a major project this is.
DAY 35 – Tonight I told the family what we had to do and they looked at me like I was from Mars. My sons helped me build the ark while the women prepared plenty of unleavened bread and picked legumes, vegetables and fruit.
DAY 318 – Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we finished the ark. Now came the monumental task of collecting the animals and gathering provisions. The whole family worked tirelessly getting that done. Just as we got the last of the animals on board, it started to rain. We pulled up the plank, making sure everything was totally secure.
DAY 327 – It’s only been a little while and I realized I should have brought three of every animal because I’m dying for a piece of meat. Now I’m a freaking vegetarian? Oy vey!
DAY 358 – Today my wife says “Noah. There’s a problem. Where are the unicorns?” Well, I sure had a good laugh over that one. “You believe that fairytale??” I guffawed. “Next thing you’re gonna tell me is someone’s gonna write a book of biblical proportions about us. Woman, you crack me up!”
NAR © 2018